Why Two are Better Than One

 “Two are Better than One”

Text: Ecclesiastes 4:7-12 // Series Intro: The Wisdom of Friendship

Message @ JRCC – Sunday, Sept 12, 2010

Good morning, friends.  Welcome here to Jericho Ridge’s Sunday morning gathering. Well, it’s raining again and the kids are back at school – seeing old friends and making new ones - so this can only mean one thing.  That fall must be in the air.  And as I dropped the kids off at school this week and hovered over the posted class lists on Friday night, it got me thinking about friendship.  And it got me thinking about some songs about friendship, so we’re going to have a little fun here this morning (and there’s prizes, just so you know!).  I’m going to hum or whistle a tune (I’m not that good at either so you’ll have to stick with me) and the first person that shouts out the name of the song I’ll toss you a licorice.  Got it?  Ok, let’s try an easy one to start off with. 

• “I’ll be there for you” (Theme song from Friends) by the Rembrandts
• “I Get by with a little help from my friends”” (The Beatles)
• “Lean on Me”
• “My Friends Tigger and Pooh”
• “That’s what friends are for”
• “Thank you for being a friend” (theme from the Golden Girls, by Andrew Gold)
• Cheers Theme (“Where everybody knows your name”)

It’s interesting to think about how many TV shows are anchored in the theme of friendship.  The idea of a genuine connection, real support in time of challenge, helping one another get through life…  But these themes are not native to TV sitcoms.  They find their roots in the Bible, particularly in the Old Testament Wisdom Literature.  That’s the section right in the middle of your Bible that was written by some of the wisest people who ever lived

There’s actually a significant chunk of the Bible given to the discussion of friendship.  Big chunks of what we call the New Testament was originally written as letters between friends, asking questions and sending greetings and wrestling with issues of faith and friendship.  And so the Bible gives us spectacular insight on what deep friendship looks like, how to get it, how to lose it, and why it’s important. 

Over the next 5 weeks, we’ll be examining these themes together as we probe into the wisdom of friendship.  Let’s pray together as we begin. 

Well, if you know much about school, and many of you do as educators or as students, you know that one of the first things you do when you get back from summer is that you do some basic review.  How many of you kids did a little bit of math in your classrooms this past week?  OK, well, we’re going to start our series with some simple math, some licorice math, and I may need a little help here.  So, if I have 2 licorice and _______ eats one, class, how many licorice do I have?  That is correct.  Now, if I add one, how many do I have?  Excellent, you are all ready for Grade 2!  Now, which one is better, one licorice or two?  And the Bible indicates to us this same truth when it comes to friendship – that, Two are better than one.  Let’s look at the book of Ecclesiastes chapter 4.  It’s in the Blue Bibles on Page ___.  If you’re new or visiting with us, I’ll give you a trick…  We’re a casual place – get up grab a coffee, head to check on your kids, use the washroom, check who’s playing in the arena at any time.  Now, if you don’t have a Bible, head back to the Welcome Centre and grab one – but, pretend you’re doing one of those other things and nobody will be the wiser.  That’s just how we roll around here.  Alright where were we?  Oh yeah, Ecclesiastics chapter 4.  Now, this oddly named book is part of the Wisdom literature of the Old Testament.  It’s that chunk in the middle of your Bible that talks about how life works best, often through sayings.  These sayings are often short, pithy little axioms that express a core truth about life.  In this case, they contain wisdom about friendship.  Follow along with me as I read Ecclesiastes 4:7-8.

So, our first axiom about the wisdom of friendship is simple: “Two are Better than One”.  Say it with me.  But we have to ask the question WHY.  Why are two better than one?  Well, this text gives us some insight.  One of the first things we realize when we read this is that we are created for connection with others.  Right away at the very beginning of humanity, in Genesis chapter 1 God says “It is not good for a person to be alone”.  We are created for community; we are created and actually possess a deep need for connection with others.  Sociologists tell us that a sense of belonging and connection provides meaning, joy and fulfillment to our lives.   And that’s what the author is communicating in verse 7 and 8.  They paint the picture of this person who is all alone, no family connection or human contact but driven towards financial success.  To the point that they are possess a lot of wealth.  But since they lack human connection, this individual begins to wrestle with the question of meaning and purpose in their lives.  Sure I have nice stuff, but who am I working for?  I’m giving up human connection for success, but life without those connections is depressing and meaningless.  But think about this for a minute, the person is working hard.  So they are not alone, in the sense that they work by themselves – remember, this is written before the invention of telecommuting!  So this person is in contact with others, but is still friendless.  You can be lonely without being alone. 

Sociologist Robert Putnam wrote a book a few years ago called “Bowling Alone” In that book, Puntnam argues that we are seeing a decline of what he calls ‘social capital’.  He argues that we are rich as a society in many, many ways but when it comes to genuine, in-person human interactions and engagements for the good of others that the potential to establish meaningful friendships, we’re losing as opposed to gaining ground.  Putnam uses Bowling as a metaphor to explain this phenomenon.  He points out an interesting fact – that there has been, at least in the States, an overall increase in the number of people who bowl over the last decades.  But there has been a drastic decrease in the number of people who bowl in leagues.  In other words, people are choosing to do alone what they used to choose to do together, and this impoverishes them in the area friendships.  They still go bowling; they just don’t know the name of the person in the next lane.  Or the next home. 

Ecclesiastes 4:7-8 says that in the middle of a crowd of people, you can be doing alright financially, you can be successful in your job but you can still be miserable and bitter and lonely and isolated.  So, let me ask you a question for response: “Can you think of ways in which our culture and our society is feeding this sense of isolation?”

• My “To Go” Drive thru story (if time)

Well let’s continue with our text because Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 proposes a remedy for this:  Get friends!  Follow along with me as I read from the New Living Translation.  So our question this morning is why two are better than one? Well, there are a number of reasons given in this passage.  One is that there is a good return for their labour.  That’s a fancy way of saying that You can do and experience things together that you can’t do alone. 

And there’s a great image in here that might help us picture this.  I’m going to need some help here.  We’re going to do a Twizzler tug o war…  One (snaps).  Two…  Better but still snaps…  Three… gets really hard.  A cord of three strands in not easily broken.  A person with friends has a level of support that others do not possess.  They can:   

–     You can endure hardship together

–      You can give and receive support 

This is a hard one for some of us because we like to be known among our friendship circles as the rock, the giver of support not those who need support.  This reminds me of a story, and you’ll have to forgive me if you’ve been around Jericho for awhile and have heard this before, but it pictures this text for me so clearly.  This story takes place just a few months after the church  launched 5 years ago, and as a family, we were moving into our new house here in Willoughby.  Except things were not going well.  [Rest of the story].  Our church family moved us in!  They came, cleaned construction dust, placed furniture, put sheets on beds and cutlery in drawers…  They supported us in our time of need and challenge in a way that a family does.  Friends, that’s the type of community that we want to continue to be here at Jericho Ridge.   

That’s why one of our Core Values is Authentic Community.  We believe that “God exists in community and models for us what it means to be both vitally connected with Him and interdependent with one another.  We desire relationships with one another that are transparent, supportive, encouraging, and rooted in a desire to love as we have been loved by God.”

 That’s what was going on that day when Meg and I were up in the hospital… and it’s a story that has been repeated many, many times in the life of Jericho Ridge.  Whether its meals ministry so that if you’re sick or have a newborn and you let our team know, you get food dropped off so  it’s one less thing to worry about.  Or whether it’s someone who stands up in a sharing time on Sunday morning and expressed need and before the hour is out, several people from Jericho Ridge express radical generosity and they have envelopes full of 20’s dropped off at their house.  But that kind of friendship doesn’t just mystically happen…  it takes work.  Look at the words in that phrase: transparent, supportive, encouraging, loving… 

Kids, you don’t just show up in a new classroom tomorrow morning and expect that a best friend will be magically seated beside you, do you?  What would be some steps you could take to make a friend?

Good ideas.  Let me suggest that the parallels exist for us as adults but that sometimes we pretend that we’re too sophisticated for something as simple as was just suggested to us.  But in terms of how we get there - to friendships that are interdependent, transparent, supportive, encouraging..

The pathway is very similar.  You take Simple, baby steps

–      Start by learning someone’s name  (tip on meeting people)

–      Take a risk (doesn’t always pan out – there’s pain)

–      Practice hospitality (Invite someone out for lunch after or over for coffee.  Have a neighbor in to watch Glee or for an end of summer BBQ…  Food breaks down barriers and opens conversation – which is why we had food at Explore! (thanks to our Hospitality team)

–      Engage in activities together – We’ll discuss what this looks like next week in the area of service.  Sometimes you just need to jump in and do stuff together and in the process, you’ll form friendships.  Particularly for guys, have you ever noticed that at Starbucks women will move their chairs and sit like this (face to face) and guys will move the chairs so we don’t have to make eye contact.  Sitting and talking isn’t always helpful.  That’s why we have sports nights for guys or the fishing weekend we had this past June...  Or why set up teams are great.  Because when we’re doing stuff together we don’t have to talk but we can form friendships. 

–      Have some FUN!  Sometimes the application at churches is deep and somber and reflective and asks you to examine your heart and your life and see if there is anything that needs to change.  Today, we’re going to take a different tone.  If the message of Ecclesiastes is that two are better than one, we’re going to try twos and threes together around tables for some fun.  This is also, incidentally, why we value coffee and connection time so much that we build it right into the middle of our gathering.  We want to try to create a possibility venue for you where you can take some next steps in friendship connection.  So we’re going to wrap up the formal teaching time and transition right into family game time.  Our staff have set up tables at the side with various easy and familiar and quick games.  Dutch blitz, Uno, chutes and ladders…  That kind.  Now, you may not be as hooked on games as Mike, our Youth Director is, or you may not be as conscious about the rules as Pastor Keith is but you can still enjoy a simple fun game of Uno before you go.  Ruth Ellen, our children’s director, has arranged table hosts, so they’ve make some introductions (remember, a good friendship always starts with learning someone’s name) and you can dive right in.  Feel free to move around from table to table.  If you have kids, you may want to head upstairs first and collect them and then come back down and play a game of princess yatzee.  So one behalf of the team, thanks for being with us this morning and let’s figure out if two really are better than one!  We’ll see you next week.